MY STORY

Much of my own insecurities and issues were formed when I was a little girl.

I am the perfect example of continuing the inner dialogue for YEARS even when no one else was even saying any of it!How messed up is that?!

I grew up with very little self-confidence, certain everyone else could do everything better than me, and look better too of course. I was a people-pleaser and yet I never found any great reward in that because I still felt like it was never enough.

For YEARS I struggled with a pursuit for perfectionism. Whatever that is huh!?

You do know there is no such thing right?

Perfection is an illusion to which no one can attain. In fact our idea of perfect probably does not even match up so how can we reach that elusive goal?

I lived like this for 39 years!

That is a very long time. A lifetime!

All those years I tried, I did, I strove, and in hindsight, I did very well, (but I sure didn't think so in the middle of it).

I was a good mom, a great wife, I held good jobs, positions in the church, I was a good daughter and sister, I had great friendships…

Yet I lived with an internal dialogue going over and over in my mind that said “who do you think you are.”

I could never allow myself to acknowledge how good I was(or that I was good enough) because that might be considered arrogant or conceited.

Boy was I wrong.

Talk about self-defeating!

In the worst way.

As my story unfolds let me take you back to 1997.

In January of that year my mom passed away. She was my last parent, my dad had died nine years earlier (at age 49) Mom had merely turned 59 before she passed.

This is the part of the story I don’t like sharing because it truly is my desire to honor my mother, but the reality is that there were some huge issues within our relationship. My mom was a wounded woman and I was the oldest daughter…. I think you get the idea.

Once mom was gone I think my heart realized I was NEVER going to find a way to please her, it was too late. On the flip side of that I had a huge sense of relief for not having to prove myself. It was a tangled web of emotion. As I rode the ever-confusing waves of grief I fell into a deep depression. It was yucky. Winter was all around us where we lived in the mountains and my heart reflected the very same. Cold, icy, dark.

During this time I did what I do when I am depressed; I gained weight, which as we all know only adds to the struggle.

So when the weather began to warm and the sun was up longer, I started taking walks to help me get the pounds off. Walking on our mountain was nothing new to me, I had spent countless hours walking the familiar road lined with pine trees and sage brush.

My favorite thing about walking surrounded only by nature was that there was no one around, so I was able to walk and talk to Jesus.

I did a LOT of talking to Jesus, walking that 4 mile trek on a daily basis. There were times I wasn’t done “talking” so I would switch back to the other road up the mountain and just keep trekking along.

On one of these little ventures towards the top of the mountain I began thinking; I sure would like to walk all the way to the top of this glorious mountain. For someone who had never been particularly active as a child and only began getting somewhat better about it as an adult this was a huge undertaking.

Determined, I began taking longer walks to get in better shape so I would be able to accomplish this dream. I set the goal for it to take place on October 1st, my 39th birthday.

I knew it was to be more than just a “walk” and I had begun calling it my “spiritual/physical journey.”

Come back tomorrow as I tell you about that day, THEE day that God did a powerful work in me, when my life truly shifted on its axis, never to be the same again.

Til then,

Be blessed!

XO Sherry